The gold standard for coaching conversations?

There is a moment in almost every coach development programme when GROW is introduced.

For many new coaches, it is a relief.

Coaching can initially feel quite uncomfortable. You are expected to help someone explore an issue without simply giving them the answer, and that can leave people wondering what they are actually supposed to do. #

GROW provides some structure.

It gives the coach a route through the conversation and, importantly, a way of keeping the conversation focused on the person and what they want to achieve.

Goal. Reality. Options. Will.

It is simple, memorable and practical. There is a reason it has survived for so long. But there is also a trap.

The more coaches we work with, the more we see people initially become overly reliant on the framework.

They become focused on moving through the four stages rather than being genuinely present with the person they are coaching. They start thinking about whether they have asked the right GROW question instead of listening to what the client has actually said.

That is when a useful framework can become a barrier to good coaching.

So, as we move through 2026, is GROW still the gold standard for coaching conversations?

Our view is that it remains an exceptionally useful framework.

But the framework should sit behind the coaching, not become the coaching itself.

Giving GROW the credit it deserves

It is important to start by giving credit where it belongs.

The GROW model is strongly associated with Sir John Whitmore, whose work played a hugely influential role in establishing coaching as a powerful approach to performance and development.

His book Coaching for Performance has become a foundational text for coaches and leaders and helped bring coaching into mainstream organisational thinking.

GROW gave coaches something that was both accessible and practical.

Rather than turning coaching into a complicated psychological process, it provided a straightforward structure for helping someone move from an objective, through an exploration of their current reality, into possible options and finally towards commitment and action.

That simplicity is its strength.

A coach does not need to memorise a complicated methodology to use GROW. The framework gives enough structure to stop a coaching conversation becoming an unfocused discussion while still leaving room for the coach and client to explore what matters.

The problem comes when we forget what the framework is there for.

A coaching conversation needs somewhere to go

One of the things we see regularly in coaching is what we might call the "nice conversation".

The client has talked. The coach has listened. There has been some useful reflection and perhaps even a few moments of insight. The client feels better because they have had the opportunity to get something off their chest and think it through.

But then the conversation ends.
What happens next?

If the answer is "nothing", then we have to question whether we have actually coached the person towards development or simply facilitated an interesting conversation.

That distinction matters.

Coaching should be forward-focused. The purpose is not simply to help someone understand their situation; it is to help them move forward in relation to it.

Ultimately, we want to see some form of behavioural change that supports the client's development and their own goals.

That does not necessarily mean leaving every coaching session with a complicated action plan. Sometimes the most valuable outcome is much smaller.

We call it the first next step.
What is the first thing the client is going to do as a result of this conversation?

It might be a conversation they need to have, something they need to stop doing, something they need to start practising or simply a decision they have been avoiding.

The first next step is important because it creates a bridge between insight and action.

Without it, coaching can remain stuck in reflection.

This is one of the reasons GROW remains useful. The model naturally encourages the conversation to move towards what the client is actually going to do.

The model is not the session

This is where we believe coaches need to be particularly careful.

When someone is learning to coach, it is entirely natural to concentrate on the model. They need something to guide them while they develop their confidence and skills. GROW provides that structure.

The problem is that a new coach can start to think about the model more than they think about the client.

They might be listening to someone explain a difficult situation while internally thinking, "I need to get to Options now."
The client may be exploring something important, but the coach is already preparing their next question.
The client may have reached an important insight, but the coach is thinking about whether they have properly completed the Reality stage.

The conversation becomes a process to complete rather than an opportunity to help someone think.
That is the point at which the framework has become too prominent.

The model should sit underneath the conversation, providing direction and structure when it is needed.

It should not dictate every question or determine the pace of the session.

If the client needs to spend more time understanding their reality, stay there. If they suddenly identify an option while talking about their current situation, explore it. If something emerges that changes the original goal, revisit the goal.

Good coaching is responsive.

The client should never have to fit themselves into the model.

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The real skills of a coach

When we work with people developing their coaching capability, we often find that the fundamentals are much simpler than they initially expect.

A good coach needs to show up properly. That means being genuinely present rather than sitting in the conversation thinking about what they are going to say next.

They need to be curious enough to explore rather than assume they already understand the problem.

They need to ask good questions that create thinking rather than questions that simply demonstrate that they have been listening.

They need to listen, and not just wait for an opportunity to speak.

They need to be able to challenge when challenge will help the client move forward.

Coaching is not simply about creating a comfortable environment where someone can talk. Sometimes the most useful thing a coach can do is respectfully challenge an assumption, identify a contradiction or ask the question the client has been avoiding.

And ultimately, they need to help the client move towards action.

These are the skills that make someone a coach. GROW is the framework that can help those skills create a purposeful conversation.

That distinction is important because a coach can follow GROW perfectly and still deliver a poor coaching session.

Equally, an experienced coach may move between the different elements of GROW without the client ever being aware that they are doing it.

That is probably a sign that the model is working as it should.

Ask first, tell later

One of the biggest changes many managers have to make when developing their coaching skills is resisting the urge to provide the answer.

Managers are often promoted because they know what they are doing. They have experience. They have solved the problem before. When somebody comes to them with an issue, the natural response is often to explain what they should do.

But coaching requires a different response.

"What have you tried?"
"What do you think is causing this?"
"What options have you considered?"
"What would happen if you did that?"
"What is stopping you?"

Questions such as these shift responsibility back to the client.

That does not mean a coach can never offer an idea or share their experience.

There are circumstances where telling can be appropriate. But the coach should be careful not to take ownership of the problem away from the person being coached.

The principle we use is simple: ask first, tell later.

The reason is that when someone reaches their own conclusion, they are much more likely to own it.
And that is where GROW becomes particularly powerful.

The Options stage is not about the coach coming up with a list of solutions. It is about helping the client explore what they could do.

The coach creates the thinking environment.
The client owns the answer.

Coaching is not just about being supportive

There is another misconception worth challenging.

Good coaching is not simply about asking open questions, listening carefully and making someone feel supported.

Those things matter, but coaching without challenge can become little more than facilitation.

Sometimes people need somebody to help them see something they cannot currently see themselves.

Perhaps their goal and their behaviour do not align. Perhaps they have created an assumption about what is possible. Perhaps they keep describing the same problem but have not changed anything they are doing to address it.

A coach who is too concerned with being supportive may simply accept the client's version of events.
A curious coach explores it.

"What makes you believe that?"
"What evidence do you have for that?"
"You have said this is important to you, what are you currently doing about it?"
"What would you tell someone else in exactly the same situation?"

These questions can create discomfort.
They can also create progress.

The skill is knowing when to challenge, how to challenge and whether the challenge is genuinely in service of the client.

Again, the model can help provide structure, but it cannot make that judgement for you.

GROW is not the only answer

We also need to be careful not to turn GROW itself into another orthodoxy.

There are many useful coaching models and frameworks, and different approaches can be valuable depending on the client and the context.

For example, we regularly use STAR, associated with David Rock: Situation, Task, Action and Results. It provides another way of structuring a conversation and exploring what happened, what someone was trying to achieve, what they did and what the result was.

The terminology is different, but the underlying principle is familiar.

The framework helps the coach structure their thinking and helps the client explore an issue in a purposeful way.

That is how we think about coaching models generally.
They are tools.

A good tradesperson does not use the same tool for every job simply because it is the one they learned first. They understand what they are trying to achieve and select the tool that will help them achieve it.

Coaching should be no different.

GROW is a very good tool. It is not the entire toolbox.

The paradox of becoming a better coach

There is an interesting paradox in coach development.

When you are learning, you often need more structure.

As you become more experienced, you need to become less dependent on that structure.

That does not mean abandoning the model. It means internalising it.

The new coach may consciously think about Goal, Reality, Options and Will.
The experienced coach is simply having a conversation that naturally moves towards clarity and action.

They are listening rather than planning their next question. They are comfortable with silence. They are not frightened when the conversation takes an unexpected turn. They can recognise when the client needs more exploration, more challenge or simply some space to think.

And they know when to bring the conversation back towards action.

That is where coaching starts to become a genuine skill rather than the application of a process.

The first next step is where coaching creates change

Ultimately, we think there is a very simple test for a coaching conversation.
What happens next?

Not whether the client enjoyed the conversation. Not whether the coach managed to use every part of GROW. Not whether the conversation felt comfortable.

What will the client actually do?

This is where the final part of GROW matters so much.

The conversation needs to move towards commitment.

The client needs to decide what they are going to do and, ideally, when and how they will do it.
That first next step might be small, but it should be meaningful.

Because behavioural change rarely happens in one dramatic moment.

It happens when somebody takes a different action, observes what happens, learns from it and then makes another choice.

Coaching can create the conditions for that process to begin.

The coach does not create the change for the client.
The client does.

The coach's role is to help them get there.

So, is GROW still the gold standard?

We would argue that GROW remains one of the most useful coaching frameworks available.

Its longevity is evidence of its value, and the work of John Whitmore has had an enormous influence on how organisations think about coaching and performance.

But perhaps the question is not whether GROW is still the gold standard.

Perhaps the better question is whether we are using it properly.

If a coach needs to consciously work through every stage, ask the prescribed questions and make sure the model has been completed, then GROW can become restrictive.

If the coach understands the principles and uses the framework quietly in the background while remaining completely focused on the client, it becomes something very different.

It becomes a guide.
And that is probably where it should be.

The best coaches we work with are not thinking about which part of GROW they are in. They are thinking about the person in front of them.

They are present. They are curious. They listen. They ask questions. They challenge when necessary. They help the client make sense of their situation and, ultimately, move towards action.

GROW is there to help them do that.

It is not there to take their place.

Final Thoughts

There is a temptation in coaching to search for the perfect model.

We want the right framework, the right question and the right sequence because it gives us certainty.

But coaching is not a formula.

It is a human conversation designed to help another person think more clearly, make better choices and take responsibility for what happens next.

GROW gives us a remarkably effective structure for doing that. We should recognise the contribution John Whitmore made in developing and popularising an approach that has influenced generations of coaches and leaders.

But we should also remember what the model is for.

It is there to provide guidance and direction.

It is there to stop a conversation becoming aimless.

Most importantly, it is there to help move the client towards action.

The framework sits behind what we do. The client sits at the centre.

And perhaps that is the real measure of a great coaching conversation.

Not whether we completed GROW, but whether the person we were coaching left with greater clarity and a genuine first next step.

Because a good coaching conversation can create insight.

A great one creates movement.

The BCF Group has been helping organisations develop coaches, managers and leaders for over 25 years. Our ILM Level 5 Coaching and Mentoring programmes combine proven coaching frameworks with practical application, feedback and reflection, helping delegates develop the skills and confidence to create purposeful conversations that lead to action. Get in touch to learn more.